By Vishnu Subramanian. Dating in a post-divorce world is easy and hard. Dating is challenging because I regularly find myself side-tracked and distracted by what matters.
Research into why our actions don't match our words when it's time to pair up.
My recent encounter with an extremely beautiful woman had me in a spell. I could hardly think of anyone else but her.
I could hardly do anything but focus on her. She filled my thoughts, emotions, dreams and life.
While there was little connection in our first conversation, I felt like I needed to pursue this relationship. Simply because she was so ravishingly attractive.
Each conversation felt more right and more wrong. It felt right because she was drop dead gorgeous. It felt wrong because she was hardly the right person for me. It was in the moment of desire and what I believed was blooming love that I had to get a hold of myself, figure out what it was that I wanted, and bid her farewell.
Love, compassion, empathy, simplicity, kindness, and an appreciation for the divine. A woman who appreciated the beauty of small things and enjoyed living in the present moment.
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A woman who stopped to appreciate the beauty of the world around her. While she was a kind woman, we differed in passions and visions for our life.
We both wanted something very different from a relationship. Again, this was the easiest and hardest of decisions.
Easy because I knew the answer and what I needed to do, and difficult because of her intoxicating beauty. I let seduction blur my values in life. Every time we spoke, I knew this was not a match and I needed to end it, but I found it so difficult to do so. Even if we had little in common and were opposite in so many ways, I found it difficult to let go.
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Physical attraction is important but for me, even more important at this point in my life were values, shared perspective, and shared life goals. I wanted compatibility on the things that really mattered in life, not physical attributes that would create momentary joy.
In fact, it convolutes and confuses the situation more often than not. Lead with your ears, your heart and your soul.
OK, fine, your values. Get uber-clear on the values you hold dear and your perspective on the world so you find someone who matches those.
This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author. in.
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The Good Men Project. By Vishnu Subramanian Dating in a post-divorce world is easy and hard. Subscribe to our newsletter.
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